SCUBA diving is a serious sport.  Everytime you dive you strap a life support system to your back.  But hey, we're recreational divers which means we're looking to have fun.  So while we dive, we're carful and serious.  When we're out of the water, it's anybody's ball game.  So enjoy some jokes while you're topside. (since I strongly discourage the practice of taking a laptop computer underwater with you.)

How to avoid shark attacks:
1.Never Leave Utah
2.Roll in manure before diving. Sharks hate anything breaded
3.Always dive with a buddy. On sharks approach, point to buddy
4.Dive with a briefcase. Shark may mistake you for an attorney and leave you alone out of professional courtesy.

You can spot divers by:

1.Funny Tan Lines
2.Big Watch
3.Says "Huh" alot
4.Bad shocks and springs in car
5.Scars from trigger fish bites
6.Expertise on anti-histamines

You can spot old time divers by:

1.Funny Tan Lines
2.Big Expensive Watch
3.Old Jeep with bad shocks
4.Log Book has volume a number on the cover.
5.Deaf in at least one ear.
6.Has multiple scars.
7.Has cylinders older than you are.
8.Talks about making their first wet suit.
9.Dive gear is faded.
10.Limps from Dysbaric Osteonecrosis.

You can spot newbie divers by:

2.Timex Watch
3.Nice car
4.Fills in all the blanks in their logbook
5.No diving related scars
6.Says "Wow, did you see that" alot
7.Equipment looks nice
8.Perfect hearing

Don't worry about this dive UNLESS..______ !

(fill in from below)
1.You hear the theme music from JAWS
2.You see someones foot hanging out of a fish's mouth
3.All the fish on the reef disappear
4.You see the boat pass you going down while you're on the anchor line.